


Oh, Hello Officer

by Cantabo



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Police Officer Derek, no plot to be found here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:00:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cantabo/pseuds/Cantabo
Summary: “Well, I’m not giving you a ticket.”“Oh, well, thank you. I really appreciate that”“No, believe me, I wanted to write you one. But your husband asked me to tell you to go straight home, and to let you know that you’re in a lot of trouble, and that seemed like enough punishment to me.” The officer even has the good graces to smirk at him, because apparently everyone thinks Stiles’ misfortune is hilarious.“Great, thank you, officer.”“Good luck.” The officer walks back to his car snickering.Stiles is so fucked.





	Oh, Hello Officer

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't beta read because I have no patience. Whoops.

Stiles likes to think of the speed limit as more of a Suggested Driving Pace rather than a Firm Limit.

Derek likes to think that Stiles is an idiot, one that was definitely spoiled by getting out of all his speeding tickets in his youth by grovelling to his father.

It’s an ‘agree to disagree’ point in their marriage.

Anyways. Stiles is driving home, later than he’d like, from the UC Chico campus. His students always have a thousand and one questions, and Stiles is unfortunately the type that is prone to mini-lectures as a form of question answering.

Anyways, anyways. Not the point. The point is, Stiles is on the road later than he’s used to. He’s tired, because he’s finally up for tenure, and the board never lets him forget how rare it is to be offered tenure at the tender age of 31. So, Stiles has spent the last 12 hours of his day lecturing, mini-lecturing, grovelling to elderly white men, and justifying epigenetics to _at least_ thirty different people.

He’s possibly going just slightly faster than he’d usually go, but can he really be blamed? The road is empty, and he has the most beautiful little girl waiting for him at home, most likely with Uncle Scott letting her eat sugar too late and night and letting her stay up later than she should be.

So, when the black and white pulls up behind him and flashes his lights, Stiles is more than a little pissed. So he was speeding a little, it’s not like he was really…

Oh, wait, is he on Carroll already?

…whoops.

Okay, so maybe going 50 in a 35 is just a tad too fast, even for Stiles. He fishes his license out of his wallet and grabs the copy of his insurance, knowing all the little things to do that seem to appease patrol cops.

The officer gets out, and Stiles groans. It’s not even an officer he recognizes. Stiles belatedly remembers Derek saying something about hiring new officers, and ugh, he’s going to get a ticket this time, he’s sure of it. Derek’s going to kill him, and then Scott is going to kill him, and then his daughter is going to laugh at him forever.

“Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” The deputy has dark skin and serious eyes, and he looks entirely unimpressed by everything that is Stiles.

Stiles cringes. “Yeah, sorry about that. I should have been watching for the signs closer. Here’s my license and insurance.” The officer glares at Stiles for a full 15 seconds, before taking the papers and heading back to his car.

Stiles pulls out his phone, figuring he might as well let Scott know what’s happening.

“Dude, you’re so late. Lauren has been asking for you non-stop.”

“Yeah, about that…”

“Oh god, that’s your ‘oops’ voice. What did you do? Do I need to get bail money? Oh, god, do I need to call Derek? Or worse, your father?”

“No, asshole, I didn’t get arrested.”

“Okay, then why are you like an hour and a half late?”

“It’s possible… that… Imayhavegottenpulledover.”

Scott seems to need a second to process this information.

“Derek is going to kill you.”

“Yes, thank you, Scott. I am fully aware of how much my lifespan has just shortened.”

There’s murmuring on the other side of the phone, and then his favorite voice in the whole word pops on to join in his misfortune.

“Daddy, where are you?”

“Daddy got held up a little sweetheart, but I promise I’ll be home really soon.”

“Did you get pulled over again?”

She is too smart for a 5 year old.

“It’s a possibility, baby.”

“Papa’s going to be mad.” And then his daughter hands the phone back to Scott, knowing all the right ways to make him feel like he’s terrible.

“She’s right, you know. This is the third time you’ve been pulled over in two years.”

“Thanks, Scott. I knew I could count on you to cheer me up. Really helping my stress-level here, buddy.”

“That’s what I’m here for!” Scott chirps cheerfully. Stiles glowers and hangs up on him, because his best friend is an asshole.

Stiles simmers and tries to think of ways to make Derek still love him after this, and all he can come up with is to give him lots of wine and do that one thing with his mouth that Derek really loves a lot. As far as plans go, it’s not the worst one he’s had.

The officer, who Stiles finally identifies by his nametag as Boyd, comes back to the car five minutes later, and Stiles notes with muted hope that he doesn’t have any extra paper with him aside from the insurance paper Stiles gave him.

“Here you go.” Stiles dutifully takes back the insurance and his license, and waits to receive his verdict.

“Well, I’m not giving you a ticket.”

“Oh, well, thank you. I really appreciate that”

“No, believe me, I wanted to write you one. But your husband asked me to tell you to go straight home, and to let you know that you’re in a lot of trouble, and that seemed like enough punishment to me.” The officer even has the good graces to smirk at him, because apparently everyone thinks Stiles’ misfortune is hilarious.

“Great, thank you, officer.”

“Good luck.” The officer walks back to his car snickering.

Stiles is so fucked.

-

“Dude, you’re so fucked.” Scott is not helpful, even as he lets Stiles in.

“Thank you, Scotty, I am very aware of this. Where’s the brightest spot in my whole world?” Stiles says the last part much louder, and hears a happy squeal from across the house.

A small bundle with curly brown hair and bright green eyes is running towards him at supersonic speeds, launching herself at his knees. Stiles laughs and hauls her up, holding her close.

“Daddy! I missed you! Uncle Scott and I made play-do.” Lauren held out her tiny palm to him, and Stiles dutifully accepted the dried hunk of blue stuff his daughter had clearly been toting around all day.

“This is the coolest thing I have ever seen, you’re a genius!” Lauren basks in his praise, smacking dry kisses on his cheek and giggling. Stiles pinches her dimples adoringly, so in love with this little thing he might fall over.

“Your family is disgustingly cute. I’m going to get back to my equally cute family, now.”

“Say hi to Kira and the boys for me.”

“Will do, Alex and Evan are starting their first day of little league, tomorrow. Kira’s a nervous wreck.” Scott grins like a maniac and Stiles doesn’t doubt that for a second. Scott’s always been the one to tote their twins around to try new things, and sometimes Kira is the only voice of reason in the whole family.

“Sounds like a blast. See you, Scotty.” Scott lets himself out, and Stiles turns to his little girl.

“Now, it’s way past your bedtime. Just because Daddy got in trouble doesn’t mean that Lauren gets to be up late.” Lauren pouts, but lets him carry her back to her room, arms winding around his shoulders.

Sometimes Stiles can’t believe how lucky he’s gotten. Derek and Stiles have been married for 8 years, despite the protests at the time from everyone that 23 is way too young to get married. They’re highschool sweethearts, what do people expect?

Okay, so only Stiles was in high school when they met, but he’s counting it, because it sounds way cuter than ‘I fell in love with one of my dad’s deputies and pined after him until I turned 18, and then we fucked on the hood of his squad car in an abandoned field, and now we’re married’.

Things were great and things were rough, and they made it through all of that, and Stiles is still 100% sure he’s made the right choice to start a family with the stupid sour patch of a man he married.

When Cora agreed to be their surrogate, Stiles and Derek were over the moon, and a year later they had a beautiful little girl, named (sort of) after Derek’s older sister and Stiles’ mother, and she’s perfect. Lauren is smart as a whip and is always eager to tell someone why they’re wrong.

She’s got half the town wrapped around her finger, and she’s not above abusing that to get what she wants. Stiles is so proud.

Carrying her up the stairs is more difficult than it was a year ago, and Stiles isn’t sure whether to blame that on him getting older or her. Stiles decides after a moment to not blame either of them, and just enjoy the fact that she’s still small enough to be held.

Stiles sets her in bed and ends up reading her two chapters of Harry Potter.

He isn’t sure when it happened, but he must have fallen asleep around the time that Harry got to Gringotts, because the next thing he knows he’s being shaken awake gently.

-

Damn it. Derek is supposed to be mad at Stiles, not fighting the urge to snuggle up next to him. Stiles is a devious, clever man, and he knows exactly how to pull at Derek’s heartstrings.

“Stiles.”

Stiles is on his side, their daughter facing him, passed out with her arms wrapped around him and her face mashed against his chest. He’s acting as a glorified pillow to their 5 year old.

“Hm?”

“Stiles, your back is going to hate you tomorrow if you sleep in this tiny bed.”

“But she’s so cute, look at her.”

Derek does, and somehow manages to crowd behind Stiles in the small twin bed so that they can both stare at her like complete creeps while she sleeps.

“She’s beautiful,” Derek agrees, moving to kiss Stiles’ cheek gently.

“That’s cause she looks like you and your supermodel family. Kid’s got good genes.”

Derek rolls his eyes and begins the arduous task of peeling his daughter away from his husband, who unhelpfully lays there and smiles serenely at him.

Getting old was something that neither of them handled great, they were both active, and they were fine with admitting that they have a very active sex life, but things like back pain and wrinkles were new territory for both of them, and sometimes Derek forgot that the grown man in front of him is still just a stupid kid inside, itching to cause some sort of chaos and simultaneously outsmart everyone around him.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Mmm, bed.”

Derek more or less drags him downstairs and into their bedroom. He deposits Stiles on the bed and steps back, staring at Stiles.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Stiles has the good graces to at least look sheepish.

“Um. I love you? Also, I really didn’t mean to go so fast, I forgot that the limit cut down by 10 once Grimes turned into Carroll, really. I spent all day justifying that I can be successful in my field and still be under the tender age of 55, and giving a lecture that just scraped the surface of inheritance and had to backtrack like 95 times for the assholes who weren’t paying attention. I’m gonna give them a pop quiz for making me stay so late, those little shits.”

Derek felt something inside him soften.

Stiles really has been working hard lately. The offer of tenure was a big deal, and Stiles had to jump through a lot of hoops to get it, and it’s been stressful on him. Derek’s seen him come home late, bitching about board meetings and budget hearings, angry that he can’t just accept the honor and go back to teaching. Stiles is the one who makes their daughter breakfast every morning, and he always makes sure to read to her before she goes to sleep. Derek studies the dark circles under Stiles’ eyes, and the sag of his shoulders, and feels any anger he had deflate like a lead balloon.

“Just try not to speed anymore, okay? Erica laughed at me until the end of my shift.”

“What were you doing running dispatch anyways? Isn’t license plate running a little below the Sheriff?” Stiles beams at the chance to use Derek’s new job title. Derek still wasn’t used to it, even though Sheriff Stilinski had assured him at his retirement party that he was more than for for the job.

“Gracie got sick. Her pregnancy hormones have messed up her biorhythm, so I sent her home. It was a slow night, anyways. I didn’t mind covering for her.”

“You’re a big softie, you know that?”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stiles reaches for Derek, and he goes willingly. Falling into bed with his husband is something that he never, never gets tired of.

Stiles cups his cheek and kisses him sweetly, happy to have his family all safe and at home.

“Well, I did have some plans to make my devil-may-care driving up to you,” Stiles says, running hands down Derek’s uniformed back. Derek smiles, pulling Stiles close.

“Oh? Care to enlighten me?”

“I’d be honored.”

Stiles manages to rid Derek of his clothes in record time, and isn’t far behind on the stripping front. Once clothes aren’t in the way, Stiles pushes Derek down, face first, into the mattress. Derek turns his head, confused, and is just in time to see Stiles’ head duck as he gently bites down on Derek’s butt.

“You have an unhealthy obsession with my butt.”

“I’m a slave to it,” Stiles agrees heatedly, and then dips his head down, licking quickly over Derek’s hole. Derek groans loudly, mashing his face into the pillow.

Stiles lets himself go to town, turning Derek into a puddle of moans and sighs. Stiles’ tongue is talented, it fucks into him gently and then is rhythmically lapping at his hole, building him up and up, until Derek’s whining and snapping at Stiles to _just fucking do something already!_

“Bossy.”

Stiles listens, though, and is quick to make sure Derek is stretched and lubed, and is sliding inside of him like he was made to fit there. Derek gasps and reaches back to grab onto Stiles. They’ve moved onto their sides, and Stiles takes his sweet time fucking Derek, using his hold on Derek’s hips as leverage to thrust into him.

Stiles may not be known for patience in many things, but sex is one area where he is surprisingly patient. He’s spent hours winding Derek up before, seemingly content to do nothing but enjoy the ride.

He’s definitely doing that now, Derek thinks, holding onto Stiles hands as he gently moans each time Stiles slides into him. Their sex life is nothing like how it was when they were younger. The frantic urgency they had at first has been gone for a long time, replaced by contentment to take their time. After all, neither one of them is going anywhere.

“I’ve got you, baby. You can let go when you want, I’m right here,” Stiles whispers gently, taking Derek into his hand and efficiently stroking him in time with his thrusts. Derek throws his head back, gone on the feeling of pleasure, and Stiles is right behind him, panting and holding Derek close.

They lay like that for a long time, neither one of them eager to move.

“I’m sorry you had such a rough day.”

“Hey, as long as I have more good days than bad ones, things are still okay. Besides, coming home to my family makes every day a good day.” Derek turns his head to kiss Stiles, sighing and grinning at the sappy remark.

“I do feel bad that I was speeding, though. I’m sorry. I know how much you hate when I drive like that.”

“I just worry.”

“You’re my favorite worrywart.”

Derek rolls his eyes at the stupid nickname, but grabs Stiles’ had to kiss his knuckles anyway. He’s in love with a goofball, he accepted it a long time ago.

“I know you’re stressed right now, but you’re a great husband, and a wonderful father. I love you, don’t stress so much, okay?” Derek says, quietly. Stiles is already fast asleep, arms curled tightly around Derek, planting him firmly to the bed.

They’re both going to be cranky tomorrow to wake up on sticky sheets, and Derek knows he’s going to have dried come between his thighs, but right now, he really couldn’t give less of a damn. He falls asleep between one breath and the next.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, this was inspired by something that actually happened to my mom's best friend, Carrie. She drives like SHIT and her husband is a police officer of like 15 years or something. Anyways, a few months ago she got pulled over for going like 20 over the limit and she sat in the car agonizing forever over how much her ticket was going to be, and then the officer comes back and says "your husband wants you to know you're in a lot of trouble and you need to go straight home." and then the officer laughed and drove off. 
> 
> Carrie told me this story when we were both drinking, and I temporarily re-appropriated it because I heard it and the first thing I thought was "wow, that's literally straight out of a sterek fic" and then I wrote one and here we are.


End file.
